I speak and post on a somewhat regular basis about my mental health in public forums. On Dec. 15th I wrote a status update on Facebook, “see it now with its foul stench, oozing black skin, rapacious talons. depression, a dark and vicious wraith, pulls down upon my soul…”

I don’t make these [...]]]> Darkness Explained…

A tropical depression, somewhat similar in feeling to our internal emotions at times. Image via Wikipedia

I speak and post on a somewhat regular basis about my mental health in public forums. On Dec. 15th I wrote a status update on Facebook, “see it now with its foul stench, oozing black skin, rapacious talons. depression, a dark and vicious wraith, pulls down upon my soul…”

I don’t make these sort of dark and pained posts a daily habit, but you will see them occasionally as my status updates, read blurbs about them in my emails, and even hear me speak of them from the pulpit on a Sunday morning.

I’d like to take a few moments to explain why I have chosen to share these struggles so publicly…

It Isn’t Easy…

It isn’t because it is easier to share my struggles. In fact, the older I grow and the more responsibilities I assume – at work, at church, in the community – the less I want to be open about my struggles with others. I know there are people who judge me weak for my struggles – and that when I share them they question my ability to work or to lead. It would be easier to just clam up and pretend I wasn’t struggling – to keep my struggles silent.

For the Weak…

Yet I recognize that there are many who are weak and struggling who need permission to acknowledge their own weakness.^[1] There are many with deep inner turmoils who feel hopeless, lost, isolated, and judged…and unless someone stands up and says, “I will not be ruled by anyone’s  judgments of my spirituality and ability” they will remain quiet.^[2]

For the Judgmental…

At the same time, I also know that many of those who bring the harshest judgments and incur the most guilt and disdain upon the weak and suffering are those who are most weak and suffering themselves. Oftentimes they are not even cognizant of their own weakness. Everyone else can see the flaws in their character, the weaknesses in their constitution – but they themselves are blinded, unwilling to see weakness within, choosing to highlight that which is without.^[3]

So, it is necessary to stand against them. Not against them, but against this idea – this floating conception which we all partake in, this ballroom masquerade^[4] We must stop pretending we are superhuman and instead acknowledge and wrestle with our humanity.

In the Moment…

At times I have thought about moving to a past tense form of sharing. It is true I have struggled with x, y, and z in the past and I can share with you my victory over them…but this is only a half-truth. Surely, I have learned much about conquering and resisting and coping with my weaknesses over the years and I have had many victories and many defeats.

Yet, the truth is, I still struggle. Some days are good and some days are bad. Sure, I can act as if everything is okay and you won’t know. Us OCD folks are renowned for that – our ability to perform rituals for hours each day, to suffer extreme internal mental anguish, and yet to go on functioning as if life is normal – with no one knowing any better.

I was not weak in the past – I am weak now. So, I continue to share that I am weak now…and I assume when you hear me preach you know that I speak the truth as best as I am able while recognizing that every truth I am also wrestling to make true in my own life.

[Note: I have written a second page as well which contains a few caveats and delves into some important miscellany. Look below the footnotes below for the link to page 2.]

1. ^[1] I call these weak b/c I am weak. I would suggest we are all weak…and if we don’t recognize it, perhaps we have some self-reflection to do. ↩
2. ^[2] At the same time, I do not want to portray myself as some hero. I know the difference it made in my life that others spoke openly about their struggles – and so I imitate them. On the other hand, I know also that revelation of my own struggles sometimes secure me understanding and wiggle room that would not be given if I simply kept these struggles internalized. Admitting our weakness provides a certain freedom to fail which can become pathological. I struggle to maintain a balance, to share my weakness for the right reasons, and to recognize when I have walked down the wrong path. ↩
3. ^[3] And if you agree with me on this statement, then you must examine your own heart – as I am examining mine – for the truth is as we say these truth we may fall into the same hypocrisy and judgment that we disdain in others. ↩
4. ^[4] Thank you Thousand Foot Krutch. ↩

Today I spent 1.5 hours in one of my favorite places in the world – a library – specifically my alma mater and employer’s library – Philadelphia Biblical University. I went in just to pick up a few books on worship for my sermon on Sunday but then [...]]]>

Today I spent 1.5 hours in one of my favorite places in the world – a library – specifically my alma mater and employer’s library – Philadelphia Biblical University. I went in just to pick up a few books on worship for my sermon on Sunday but then walked the aisles of books, finally leaving with two bags packed with books.

One of the books I picked up is Jeffrey H. Boyd’s Being Sick Well: Joyful Living Despite Chronic Illness. Why would I be interested in such a volume? Two reasons. First, I’ve suffered from both Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Major Depressive Episodes for as long as I have memories of my existence. Secondly, I work with a church (Calvary Community Church) where a large percentage of our congregation is amongst the “ageing” – many of whom suffer from a number of chronic conditions – arthritis, cancer, bad joints, and so on. It seemed this volume would be applicable to my life personally as well as to my life corporately – that is, how I interact with others.

I haven’t made it far, I’m still threading through the introduction – but I wanted to share a few quotes that struck me and highlight the steps Boyd will further illuminate throughout the volume as being part of “Joyful Living.”

At the start of the Introduction Boyd shares concerning his first wife’s severe and chronic illnesses, concluding, “…Pat’s medical disasters were not her main experience in life. The diseases were often quiet and well behaved. There were long periods of normal life.” (pg. 7) What a beautiful picture! This resonated within my heart. While the episodes of OCD and depression feel as if they are all that exists when I am in them, the truth is that there is more to life. Tonight as I held Charity in my arms before she left for a bible study or now as a little kitten rests upon my legs – these are moments of joy and grace.

Boyd then comments on the prevalence of chronic conditions: “At least 45 percent of all Americans have a chronic condition, accounting for 78 percent of the healthcare budget.” (pg. In other words, one out of every two individuals! It appears that the second half of his introduction will discuss the reasons for these high percentages.

Another soul healing statement comes on pg. 9, “I do not mean to say that joy is always within the reach of sick people. Job in the Bible finds no joy until God rescues him from his skin disease and other catastrophes…Some people who suffer on this earth will find happiness only in heaven, after they die.” Too often we are expected to be so happy and smiling in the midst of our suffering, yet Boyd acknowledges that sometimes, for some people there is no relief this side of eternity.

Reading this book I figured I’d draw general principles, not specific instances – because who thinks of mental illnesses as a chronic illness? But Boyd again surprises and delights me when he writes, “My own chronic illness has been major depression. I inherited it from my father, who had it worse than I. My tendency toward gloom and pessimism has waxed and waned since childhood. It is insidious.” (pg. 10) The author is both aware of and familiar with mental ailments as a form of chronic illness! Something which I am still coming to grips with in my own life (intellectually I acknowledge, practically – I sometimes deny it).

The brief overview of steps which Boyd will address for “Joyful Living” are:

• Build up your relationships, create a solid social network.
• Decide what priorities really matter to you and focus on them.
• Don’t spend all your time thinking about and bemoaning your illness.
• Use mental willpower to keep a positive attitude even when things aren’t great.
• Avoid disasters in your life.
• Use humor, even if it is “gallows humor” to lighten the load for yourself and others.
• Take each day individually – don’t be overwhelmed by thinking about the rest of your life.
• Exercise as much as you can (grrr).
• Use the spiritual resources available to you to cope – medical research indicates that spiritual beliefs are a great source of strength in illness.
• Say the Eastern Orthodox Jesus Prayer.
• Go to church and be involved in your church community.
• Be involved in changing the world – if there is no cure for you, help there be a cure for others.
• Take charge of your health needs. You be your main advocate and organizer when it comes to healthcare.
• Take your medications religiously.
• Keep up hope that a cure will be invented.
• Stay busy, don’t allow yourself to withdraw from life.
• If you are a caregiver, take pride in your work.
• Enjoy the small blessings of life in spit of the illness.
• Don’t pay attention to those who abandon you because of your illness.
• Use your suffering as a means to help others –  Fanny Crosbey, though blind, wrote 9,000 hymns!

Related articles

• Parenting a Chronically Ill Teen (webmd.com)
• Question of the Week: How has chronic illness impacted your marriage? (ohmyachesandpains.info)
• 10 Challenges for Parents With Chronic Illness (psychcentral.com)
• Old Yanks Have More Chronic Illnesses Than Brits, But Live Longer (reason.com)
• Rest Ministries Sponsors Invisible Illness Week (chronicillnesspaindevotionals.wordpress.com)
• Lessons Learned from a Snail (psychologytoday.com)
• National Invisible Chronic Illness Week (redefininggood.wordpress.com)

One source I’ve found especially helpful is the National Sleep Foundations’ website. They have numerous free articles on a [...]]]> Sleep is important to our health – at least that is what the medical professionals tell us…but where can we get succinct information about sleep from a reliable source?

One source I’ve found especially helpful is the National Sleep Foundations’ website. They have numerous free articles on a variety of sleep related topics such as what sleep is and why we need it, how much we need, the various sleep disorders that can interfere with our sleep (insomnia, rls, sleep apnea, etc.), methods for acquiring better sleep, and lifestage issues with sleep. Go over and check it out, start with their basic article Let Sleep Work for You.

Related articles

• Adult Sleep Needs at Every Age: From Young Adults to the Elderly (webmd.com)
• Teens Sleep Linked With Mental Health (fyiliving.com)

Against Depressionby Peter D. Kramer is an astonishing volume. It is not your standard work on a mental disorder – in fact, the title is both misleading and exactly on point. Against Depression is not so much about explaining and treating [...]]]>

Cover of Against Depression

Introduction:

Against Depressionby Peter D. Kramer is an astonishing volume. It is not your standard work on a mental disorder – in fact, the title is both misleading and exactly on point. Against Depression is not so much about explaining and treating depression as it is a polemic literally against depression. Kramer effortlessly skips across a wide variety of knowledge clusters to formulate his argument, as comfortable delving into artistic exegesis of paintings to literary analysis of any of a variety of authors – modern and past, and then again into the depths of history and the cutting edge of scientific discovery – especially in the arena of the biological and physiological nature of depression.

Synopsis:

Kramer argues that (a) humanity has a bias against the curing of depression because (b) we are afraid that some positive traits/activity will be lost if the depressed are cured (e.g. moody, brooding literary and artistic works; a deep understanding of pain; alienation (against tyranny); hope for a better world) but that (c) the result of curing depression would be a fuller humanity, not a lesser one.

Literary Merit:

Kramer’s work is a piece of art. Kramer shows an almost infinite capability to string together diverse topics and observations to make cognizant arguments. He is as comfortable discussing literary and artistic analysis as philosophy, psychotherapy, and the latest cutting edge science relating to the biological and physiological nature of depression. There is the unfortunate fact that someone’s editor didn’t do the best job proof-reading in two or three chapters[1. The number of errors in these several chapters are almost stunning, especially in comparison to the rest of the volume. I am wondering if these chapters were inserted at the end and did not receive the same rigorous process as the rest of the book, though the chapters themselves are interspersed throughout the book, not appearing chronologically at the end.]. Besides this, Kramer’s writing is much more a philosophical work than anything else and it carries a philosopher’s tone. It is not the easy reading one has come to expect from lay-illness volumes – not only in its vocabulary but in the concepts it communicates and the time and space Kramer dedicates to these concepts. Still, the volume is extremely well-done and the task which Kramer has undertaken is a massive one, which we will discuss a little later, and as such one can lend little criticism against a volume that undertakes such as an impossible task.

Do We Fear The Cure?

Kramer is able to convincingly argue that we do fear a cure for depression. We believe that depression is part of our humanity – while it may not be in every person we cannot imagine some people without it. We wonder if by curing their depression we are in fact simply muting a portion of their personality, forcing everyone into a standard definition of humanity with little room for differentiation. Kramer reports repeatedly receiving the question, “What if prozac had been available to…?” (Nietzsche, van Gogh, Poe, Woolf). In other words, would we not lose the intellectual and artistic drive that this depression caused?[2. Neither Kramer, nor I in my agreement with him, believe that treatment can be pursued without any consideration for its effect on the personality. In fact, Kramer acknowledges that treatment can affect the personality - but suggests that this is because we have blunt treatments, not the fine surgical ones we need. His polemic indicates a desire to carefully advance the treatment of depression with consideration for the larger dangers of affecting personality. At the same time, he (and I, following after in his shadow) would suggest that depression itself is a disease and that the treatment of a disease with the right tools is the right thing, without question.]

But It Isn’t Honorable…

Kramer goes on to argue that we don’t give other diseases this distinction – we don’t suggest that individuals should keep their cancer or their heart disease. We don’t claim that there is something inherently valuable that adds to a person’s personality in the illness. Yes, there may be something that the individual learns, but this is not inherent in the illness itself. He suggests that we can ask the question if illness is every useful, but that this question cannot be posed to depression specifically, but must be posed across the board to all diseases. In other words, it is unfair to pick out one group of sufferers who we choose must suffer so that humanity can benefit from the lessons they learn, while all other sufferers are treated.

Kramer goes on to demonstrate from cutting edge research that depression does not advance a person’s abilities to think and create but rather dulls them and that the research indicates long-term, irreversible damage to the physiological structure of the brain is caused by depression.

A Better Future…

Kramer attempts to draw a picture of a future without depression and suggests that it would create a better humanity, not a shallower, more bland humanity. He suggests that the fullness of personality is restored in healing from depression, not caused by depression. That the characteristics we see in the depressed individual while sometimes admirable in and of themselves (e.g. unrest with the current life situation) are not valuable when they come from disease rather than a person’s own personality.

Conclusion…

A fascinating philosophical read that at its deepest asks what it means to be fully human and what role depression plays in encouraging or discouraging humanity, as well as evaluating our historical literary and artistic preference for works created by and about depressive themes to those of more brightness – and whether this indicates an inherent greater value in these works or a taint to humanity that we desire such.

I don’t know about you but I hate seafood. I like shrimp and I don’t mind halibut – but don’t try feeding me salmon or just about any other type of seafood. Thats unfortunate for me healthwise, as seafood appears to be extremely good for you – if you get [...]]]> Image via Wikipedia

I don’t know about you but I hate seafood. I like shrimp and I don’t mind halibut – but don’t try feeding me salmon or just about any other type of seafood. Thats unfortunate for me healthwise, as seafood appears to be extremely good for you – if you get the kind without mercury.

Over the years I have several times attempted taking Omega-3 supplements to help replace (at least in some small way) the lack of seafood in my diet. But every time has failed – either because of cost or taste – or a combination of the two. The pills can be rather expensive and they don’t taste very good and oftentimes result in bad tasting/smelling breath.

Recently I discovered Coromega and I really love them! You can buy them in packs of 90 off of Amazon. They are packaged in something similar to condiment containers (e.g. ketchup, mustard) and each packet contains one serving. They are flavored using natural flavors and can be eaten straight or mixed with something like a yogurt. I find they taste great just by themselves – though very sweet (but not from sugar!). The packets come in a variety of flavors including orange, lime, chocolate orange, etc.

For those who are running, Omega 3 fatty acids have numerous health benefits. Research indicates they are helpful for heart health, effective blood flow, and in fighting depression. You can read more over at Wikipedia.